Judul : Breaking News: Obama is Peruvian!
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Breaking News: Obama is Peruvian!
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| They call me Holden Caulfield because I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. |
Remember all that cheap crap I said about being born in Peru as the only way to be Peruvian? Forget it: I was blatantly lying (I'm Peruvian, duh). When you come up with someone like Barack 'Race Card' Obama, you know you're dealing with a Peruvian, and not just a Peruvian John Doe like this blogger, but with a fucking Peruvian President. It may sound as if I were in an acid trip, but you'll get my point after reading this:
First of all, how do I know that this drone-lover, blood-sucking, addicted-to-taxing-and-blaming-others world leader is Peruvian? Well, I already gave you, skeptical bitches, part of the answer.
When you wake up one morning, turn on the TV and find an pompous byatch who's ready to destroy the middle class by taxing the shit out of it, you know it's a Peruvian president. And I have to admit this not only typical of a Peruvian leader, but includes every single damn president we've ever had in our sad, sad Latin American history, a history that African Americans would find hilariously unfair comparing to theirs. The concept is quite attractive to populist leaders: 'I destroy the middle class, put them on food stamps and make them dependent on the government tit. The rich will always be rich, and the poor... who cares? Give 'em some damn food stamps too so they shut the fuck up!'
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| I love MYSELF. And I love taxing. And I hate the middle class. |
I've said repeatedly that Obama would beat Paris Hilton in a Pompous Bitch contest. And it ain't no exaggeration at all. This guy commands a legion of groupies willing to take on virtually anyone who dares to oppose their supreme Paris. One more characteristic of Peruvian and Latin American leaders: Arrogance. Not long ago, the media whores went berserk when a 'heckler' interrupted Barack Xerxes Obama during a speech. I agree that it wasn't the best way to ask a question, but hell! It was a question that Xerxes refused to answer! And it was not the kind of crappy question such as 'Are you a Muslim?' or 'Can you show us your birth certificate AGAIN?' Hell no! The question was: 'WHY WOULD YOU FAVOR FOREIGNERS OVER AMERICANS?'. I'm positive that the average American is eager to listen to a responsive answer to this! But Obama's response was just: 'Excuse me sir, but it's no time for questions. I'm not gonna reply while I'm speaking.' Then he went on one of some serious pseudo-patriotic BS about 'the best for the American people.' You can check the video yourself here:
So we have this loathing to the middle class -and the ambition to control it- and the arrogance. Not to mention again the media whores and the race card.
Some say I'm being pretty hard on America these days, so I'm gonna show you some examples of how pathetic our Peruvian leaders can be. I do believe we do better in many things, but when it comes to cover up our dark secrets, we certainly lose. AND this leads us to one more Latin American leader's characteristic also shared by Obama: Denial.
For those who were born yesterday, 17 years ago, or asleep in a Prometheus-like cryogenic chamber for the last 30 years, it's no secret that the US has lost the battle against drugs. And one of the main reasons why the battle is lost is because no one's really fighting it. Flooding the streets with cocaine has been America's big business for decades. Being the first purchaser of cocaine worldwide -and the nation with the record of addicts- is an indisputable achievement of this 'war on drugs.' BUT things get even worse when American government itself engages in business with the very same cartels. Yeah, if you haven't heard of the Fast and Furious scandal, you might be an (1) Obama groupie in denial or (2) some North Korean farmer with no wi-fi.
Fast and Furious is basically this: the American government selling weapons to the Mexican cartels. For American lawmakers, army brats and media whores, 40,000 dead Mexicans are just 'collateral damage' in the same way that 40,000 Iraqis are just 'shit happens.' BUT when one single American agent, Jaime Zapata got shot by the same weapons his own government sold to the cartels, then the scandal sparkled. Let's not forget that, according to the White House's mindset, 40,000 Mexican lives might be the equivalent of one American, the same way 40,000 dead Palestinians may compare to one single dead Israeli.
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| Fast & Furious? Tacos are just delicious! Hmmfff won't answer that question either. |
So you would expect Barack to reveal the names of all the crooks involved in this trafficking. But you would be dead wrong. Because he had a new card, not the race card this time: the EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE Card. What does it mean? It means basically: 'I am the President and I have the right to conceal information.' And yeah it's totally legal. AND it's one of the most powerful attacks Obama had against Bush, because he used the same card when the FBI and Dick Cheney had such deep shit that even George W. Bush was embarrassed to look at. So we have one more Latin American leader's hobby: 'When you do it, it's a crime. When I do it, hell, I am the President now so what?'
Nixon was forced to resign because of a much, much trivial scandal. Of course Watergate was a shame but at least no one died. Here we're talking about thousands. But we all know that the cards -Race and Executive Privilege- are way to powerful to allow impeachment.
But let's stop with American politics now. As I promised, it's time to show you some examples of Peruvian dumb leaders. Remember: I told you we are not as smart as Americans when it comes to hide our dark secrets. JFK managed to womanize like there was no tomorrow -in fact it wasn't- and although you could tell the guy was into something with Marilyn -banging her in fraternal threesomes- he always found a charismatic way to distract attention from it -and many other things we'll never ever get to know.
Let's start with our current president: Ollanta Humala. Take a sit and believe me -one more time- I'm not into any sort of bath salts or LSD, because the story is so freaking surrealistic that you'll start questioning my sanity (in case you haven't already?)
As a young military, Ollanta Humala lead a rebellion with his brother and killed four cops. It was such a half-assed coup d'etat that most believe now it was nothing but a smoke screen to allow the former Peruvian 'Rasputin' to flee in a boat called 'Charisma' -no kidding!- and well, things went wrong and four cops were murdered, but... who cares when you got a powerful puppeteer and loads of money? You would bet he was put in jail after this. But you would be dead wrong again: as a REWARD, he was sent to South Korea as a military attaché. He was kicked out of the institution after a wonderful stay in Asia -poor bastard can't even speak good Spanish, so I doubt he learned any Korean, and yeah of course he can't speak English. And then he and his beloved brother in arms started a paper called 'Ollanta', compared to which Hitler's 'My struggle' is like Pee-wee's Big Adventure. I'm not kidding because at least in 'Main Kampf' Hitler writes he admires the Jews. And it was a single publication. 'Ollanta' was a weekly paper in which these brothers from hell -and their dad- praised the superiority of native Peruvian race, the dark-skinned ones, and asked them to raise in arms and take the country. He declared his love for a former military dictator and his loathing for the light-skinned Peruvians -among other things. Long story short, he lost the election in the runoff against a Vito Corleone-like former president and in the next election he beat former 'Japanese' president's daughter and her American husband. And just when you thought it couldn't get any more surrealistic, we had all the caviar left, the limousine liberals, the intellectuals, painters, actors -to sum up- all the lazy ones- supporting him. AND being all of them atheist -because atheism is as 'cool' here as it is in the States, they all swore on the Bible to guarantee Ollanta was a good gut now despite having tried two coups and killed four cops.
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| And SHE is the real president. Nadine Obama, as we call her. |
Some days ago, 5 people got killed in a village where he swore he'd never allow any 'imperialist mining company' set foot. But oh surprise! Now the angry dark-skinned Peruvian is best friends with the 'evil imperialists', so the mining company has green light to operate, and it was during the protests that these Peruvians lost their lives... lead by a former priest who is now a self-appointed 'eco-revolutionary.' Of course this 'priest' was arrested but released next day because -as you may have already noticed- Peruvians in general as not violent, but when we get some political power and money, we just run amok and don't have to pay any consequences. So what was the President's reaction? Just to keep silent. As he always does. Poor bastard can barely put a phrase together, and only when his smart wife-teleprompter is in front of him cheering as a soccer mom.
One thing in common with Obama?: He also promised 'change' and millions of assholes bought it, in spite of all the warnings. Sounds familiar?
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| Despite the HUGE height difference, they're basically the same shit. |
To finish, I just wanna show you something I love to hate. Again, how stupid our leaders are to lie, plunder, and even kill openly. The art of concealing and smokescreening is something they still have to master. I've already exposed too much serious crap, so let's go with something funny. I bet the ranch you didn't know we Peruvians have had the only male president who can dance the 'booby dance.' Don't believe me? Here it is:
I bet Michele would never be able to move her tits with the rhythm our former president did during one of his rallies. By the way, he's bipolar, destroyed our country in the eighties, his best friend is a jailed terrorist and he escaped to France when the law's long dick was about to catch him. And yeah he came back eleven years after his first term and we -stupid Peruvians- were smart enough to vote for him again. Well, in our defense -and to dispel the myth that we Latinos are dumb- I can say that Big-breasted Nutcase was the lesser evil since the other candidate was Ollanta, the Cop-killer, who was elected after Big-Breasted Nutcase's second term, so now Cop-killer is our current president. Oh wait...
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| Our presidents don't bomb innocent kids in the Middle East but they DO embarrass the shit out of us anyways... |
To sum up, I still insist that Obama is Clinton & Bush's black triplet -American presidents are all war presidents after all- but his arrogance, stupidity and denial make him look like a Peruvian president who has nothing to lose.
Next post will be happier. I need to go back to comedy after this. Promise.
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