Judul : Top 5 Stupid Questions Foreigners ask Peruvians
link : Top 5 Stupid Questions Foreigners ask Peruvians
Top 5 Stupid Questions Foreigners ask Peruvians
05. Can you dance the Chimichanga?
Hell NO! And I can't for the same reason I can't dance a slice of pizza. Chimichanga is not even a Peruvian thang! (thank you again, 50 Cent, for teaching me how to use the word thang properly.) As far as I know, it's some kind of Mexican snack. I don't even know what exactly it is, and I'm not even interested so I won't google it. Being a Mexican snack, I assume it's something filled with beans, ridiculously hot chili and tons of carbs. Not that I don't like Mexican thangs (I love tacos & burritos) but again, Chimichanga is not even Peruvian, in the same way that Pamela Anderson is not American (in case you didn't know.) Damn, this question drives me so angry that I even forgot what I was writing about. Maybe you are talking about Cha Cha Cha. Ohhhhh then I understand. Cha Cha Cha is some type of Cuban music from the fucking 50's that even my 84-year old grandpa would be embarrassed to dance today. And no, most Peruvians can't dance it. Al the those who ever could are either six feet under, I guarantee, or way too old to even listen to it.
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| Cha cha cha? No way! I'm more into that Selena Gomez lil' bitch. |
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| This is a slice of pizza. And no, I can't dance it either. |
04. Are you Peruvian? How come you have light skin and brown eyes?
Actually, not only is this a stupid question but also show how poor education is wherever you come from. (Plus do I need a fucking license to have brown eyes or something?) There's no such thing as a Peruvian race. Believe me- there's not. As this awesome blogger The Korean says, in some cases there's no difference between nationality, ethnicity and race. Yeah they are all 3 different things, you greasy illiterate back-packers. And even though the world is becoming more and more globalized, when you say Korean or Arab, you can have an idea of what they look like. I do not mean 'they all look the same' (I'm not Obama saying Trayvon Martin is his twin and implying all African Americans look alike). What I mean is that in these countries there's a lot more racial uniformity than in Peru. You certainly won't meet Mr. Park Guyn-Woo and expect him to look like the Black Panther who offered a 1 million dollar to hunt George Zimmerman. And Mr. Mr. Park Gyun-Woo won't look like Korianka Kilcher, the dark-skinned girl who plays Pocahontas in The New World and who claims to be Peruvian (which she's NOT because she was born in GERMANY! Damn! Maybe your dad is Peruvian but you are not!)
I have light skin and brown eyes because -and I hate to be specific about this nonsense racial shit- as most Peruvians, I'm not a native Peruvian. We all have some European, African, and Asian blood (just in different dose levels though.) On my father's side, my great-grandpa was Swiss, and on my mother's side, the whole family came from Spain, where -as you may know- Arabs ruled for almost a thousand years, so that's why I also have a really big nose and am hairy as hell (and the cops look at me funny when I get to an American airport.) But I certainly don't give a damn for any of these. I'm just Peruvian. Peruvian as hell, as my profile reads. I'm not Swiss, not Spanish, and not Arab, even if the Arabs shout 'Assalamu Alaykum!' at me whenever I pass through an Arab restaurant.
Just one more thing: My wife is a dark-skinned beautiful lady who's mistaken for a Filipina by my foreign students. Does she have Philippine ancestors? We don't know and don't want to know! And I'll never stop repeating we're all just Peruvian, no matter where our great-great-great-great grandparents were born in.
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| Maybe my Swiss relatives own a crib like this. In that case, I'd become The Swiss. |
03. OMG, so you've never been to Machu Picchu???
For Christ's sake, NO! Not all Peruvians live in Machu Picchu (actually no one lives there. Some cranky Peruvian ghosts maybe.) And not all Peruvians have been to Machu Picchu either. Peru's not that small, you know, we're not Vatican City. It's quite a long way from my town to Cusco, and quite a long way more from Cusco to Macchu Picchu. AND you have to consider the fact that not all Peruvians are into traveling. Or into Peruvian history. I'm the insular type who'd rather stay home and watch a Machu Picchu documentary on TV. And it's no heresy. I love my country but I'm just not into tourism. Anywhere. We Latinos are not natural-born back-packers, like many Europeans and Americans. I firmly believe life's not a list of things to do before you die. (By the way, I'm not interested in eating balloon fish or jumping off a plane either.)
And visiting Machu Picchu is not a requirement to be Peruvian (same as having black hair or dancing the Chimichanga.) If you ever wanna become a Peruvian citizen -which is no crazy idea given the situation in Europe and the US- just apply. You'll get it. You won't be put on a plane to visit Machu Picchu as a top requirement for your Peruvian papers. No one cares. Really. We're about 30 million Peruvians, not to mention the almost 3 million living abroad, so you'll find Peruvians are really diverse in all senses.There's certainly the type of Peruvian who's cursing me right now for saying I'm not interested in visiting Machu Picchu, while there's the type who's too busy working overtime in a Japanese factory to even dream about Machu Picchu, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, or whatever beautiful place in the world we 'have to' visit.
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| This is the type of people who are most interested in visiting Macchu Picchu. Yeah the foreign weirdos like YOU. |
02. If you are a bilingual college graduate, why are you so fucking poor?
Well, no foreign asshole has ever asked me this question -yet, but they certainly do in a different way. It's really hard to establish so being poor and rich are quite different things depending on the country. An unemployed Japanese engineer or an American 19-year old with no car may be called poor while a Peruvian driving a Toyota Yaris may be called rich.
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| We call it the Peruvian Mothafucking Ferrari. |
My wife and I ain't no credit cards and don't visit Paris every year (in fact we never have) but we wouldn't call ourselves poor. We Peruvian couples are usually in a constant Tom & Gina situation, ♪ living on a prayer ♫ but instead of working at the docks or at the diner's, we're both college graduates and hell, wifey's even got a master. Even though our economy has improved tremendously over the last 20 years, we're still struggling. Peru may be the South Korea from the late seventies. Still poor. Still not so well-educated. Still struggling. Then working conditions are, lets say, a bit tough. And informal to death. To be unemployed is still a hateable thing we have to cope with at some time in our lives. Job's never guaranteed, nor is it the good pay you deserve. Whenever you make it here, you'll be surprised by how many young college graduates we have. In fact, at least in my middle class world, I'd say 95% have a degree. In the lower classes, there may be fewer but not so fewer. College education is free in our country. By free, I mean you can go to a public university and pay about 100 dollars a year for tuition. So that's nothing. And I'm not talking about the crappy college where both Kim Kardashian and her ass would be A-grade students. Of course some are pitiful, but, for instance- the best engineering school we have is a public one. It's a matter of choice. And it is because even in a private college, you have plenty to choose from. Depending on what school you come from and where you live, you may pay around 200 to 1000 dollars a month in a Peruvian university. So while the wealthy kids coming from those luxury Peruvian-British or Peruvian-German high schools will certainly pay a thousand, I paid no more than some 350$. College is a must, a no-brainer for most Peruvian youths. You will just have a degree. But it will never guarantee you're gonna be rich according to a foreign person's standards or even by a Peruvian's.
Again, George Zimmerman is NOT Peruvian! He was born in fucking Virginia, so how the hell could he be Peruvian??? Ok, his mom is Peruvian. But he's not. His Dad is American, and even if he had a Peruvian dad, that wouldn't make it Peruvian. He's American. Period. No matter what nationality he relates to (like those stupid New Yorkers who claim 'I'm 100% Cuban' just because their parents were born in Havana and they can speak Spanish.)
I'm not saying we Peruvians are not racist. In fact, we are. A lot. And I say we because I'm racist myself, just not consciously. I'm sure I have racist attitudes though. But as an educated person who's got some interest in spirituality as well, I've thought deeply through years about the way we Peruvians are raised. We're all taught we're 'not the same' as the ones who are darker or whiter. As I wrote in a previous entry, we're not the type of nation where race wars go on, or where hate crimes take place. Our racism is openly displayed in public, we can call whoever we want whatever we want, either friendly or offensively. And we laugh at ourselves and the others equally. So racism is in our jokes everyday, and Whites, Blacks, Asians and 'Indians' will call each other names and spout stereotypes on TV or having a couple of beers somewhere. I have an Asian-looking Peruvian friend, and we just call him Chino. He'll never have a real name to us. But he'll be our friend, and I mean it. If we're watching a documentary about lung cancer, we'll all point at Chino and tell something like 'Y'all fucking Chinks smoke like there's no tomorrow!' and we'll all laugh out lout, Chino included. And maybe he laughs harder because Chino's the hell of a smartass the bastard (and he doesn't smoke, by the way.)
My wife's family is a lot more interracial than mine. Ok, I'll tell the story of why she looks Filipina: it's just the Japanese blood mixed with native Peruvian. Her late Dad was a native Peruvian gentleman from Cusco (so maybe he did visit Machu Picchu) whose mother was Japanese. And wifey's Mom is a dark-skinned woman from the North, whose father was of Spanish descent. And wifey's sister is married to a Black dude, and they have a real Benetton family, with three kids: oldest daugther looks just like Beyoncé (no kidding, man), middle son has light skin and brown hair (just like me), and youngest one looks like exactly like fucking new North Korean leader, Kim Jong-Un. I swear!
So the answer to this question is: We Peruvians are usually racist (some more than others, of course) but again, George Zimmerman is NOT Peruvian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01. Are y'all Peruvians as racist as George Zimmerman?
Again, George Zimmerman is NOT Peruvian! He was born in fucking Virginia, so how the hell could he be Peruvian??? Ok, his mom is Peruvian. But he's not. His Dad is American, and even if he had a Peruvian dad, that wouldn't make it Peruvian. He's American. Period. No matter what nationality he relates to (like those stupid New Yorkers who claim 'I'm 100% Cuban' just because their parents were born in Havana and they can speak Spanish.)
I'm not saying we Peruvians are not racist. In fact, we are. A lot. And I say we because I'm racist myself, just not consciously. I'm sure I have racist attitudes though. But as an educated person who's got some interest in spirituality as well, I've thought deeply through years about the way we Peruvians are raised. We're all taught we're 'not the same' as the ones who are darker or whiter. As I wrote in a previous entry, we're not the type of nation where race wars go on, or where hate crimes take place. Our racism is openly displayed in public, we can call whoever we want whatever we want, either friendly or offensively. And we laugh at ourselves and the others equally. So racism is in our jokes everyday, and Whites, Blacks, Asians and 'Indians' will call each other names and spout stereotypes on TV or having a couple of beers somewhere. I have an Asian-looking Peruvian friend, and we just call him Chino. He'll never have a real name to us. But he'll be our friend, and I mean it. If we're watching a documentary about lung cancer, we'll all point at Chino and tell something like 'Y'all fucking Chinks smoke like there's no tomorrow!' and we'll all laugh out lout, Chino included. And maybe he laughs harder because Chino's the hell of a smartass the bastard (and he doesn't smoke, by the way.)
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| These were the presidential candidates in the last election. ALL 100% Peruvian. Yeah even the 'Japanese' lady and the 'Dallas Sugardaddy' with glasses. |
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| Wifey's dad also looked like Kim Joung-Un but his skin was as dark as 2Pac's. |
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